Weird thought of the day

I'm the type of person who does not expect anything from anyone at all.. but for some weird reason.. you made me expect something even if I didn't want to. You're the 2nd person to make me expect... but then again.. just like the 1st one.. it didn't turn out well. I thought, even if there was a 0.01 percent chance i'll take it so long as it's not zero percent.

If you're wondering why I'm blogging this and not call and talk to you instead? It's because I'm not good at conversing with people. I was never much of a talker and if I talk I might say something weird or the words that I wanted to say would never come out right. That's why I prefer writing it instead. It's safe and not as stressful as talking while thinking of the right words to say.

Anyway, you don't have to worry about me.. I'm cool with it. I'm 30 years old and I can handle rejection. Honestly, I don't think of it as a rejection, it's more like a temporary set back.. but the disappointment and the feeling of heartache is still fucking horrible.. (sorry for the F word).

It's kinda difficult.. try to act normal but inside your feeling horrible... it's giving me a headache man.. As I have told you already. I am sincerely happy for you but at the same time I am very disappointed in myself but that's just me. And because of that.. I think it would be best if I disappear from you.. think of me as a pigment of your imagination.

Laughing with you and joking with you.. worrying about you and thinking of you was nice.. but that has to end.. well it ended already.. and it's time to move on. Get on with our lives.. you know what's sad about my life? It's the fact that I'm alone.. I live alone, I eat alone, I sleep alone.. what's even worse is you made me realize that I'm actually lonely.

Now.. that feeling really sucks.. big time! but I don't blame you.. I never did.. or I really can't even if I wanted to.. you're dear to me..

I'm going to end this rambling... It's pathetic and I hate it. As always.. take care of yourself.

P.S.

If ye found spelling errors and grammar problems.. Congratulations! ye can keep it.