Wonder

Have you ever loved someone so much that you felt like your soul is coming out of your body because of the deep or intense attraction that you felt?

If not, then good for you.

Have you ever loved someone so much that you could smell their scent and they're the only one that you could think of? We'll I have... but if you haven't.. then good for you.

Have you ever felt an intense attraction to someone that you'd wish you are there with them at that moment?

All of these feelings are felt when your in love but it rarely feels intense.. it rarely feels like an out of body experience.. It's really rare when you see the person you love but its extremely rare when you haven't seen the person that you love but still feels this way..

I'm yapping again.. honestly.. I'm only writing when I'm sad. Maybe you're wondering why?

It's a simple reason.. I just have no one to talk to. I have no one beside me that could listen to my problems. I have no one beside me that could give me an advice or someone that could genuinely worry about me. I used to have that person.. and she's my mom but she's gone now. My Aunt worries about me but she's in a different country and she has kids of her own.

I write because I can only talk to myself when I am sad. I can only cry by myself and I'm the only one that comforts myself. How pathetic is that?

I'm sure I'm not the only one that feels this way. I'm certain that there are others out there that are like me. Lonely, separated and no one to talk to. Now, don't get me wrong. I too have people that I can call friends. I too have people that I can call family but unlike most people.. I don't have that person who I can share my feeling with. I don't have someone who can listen to me when I complain, I don't have that someone who will tell me if I did wrong or if everything will turn out okay.

Some friends told me that everything is okay.. but it all sounds superficial. It's not genuine... not like when my mom says it. The comfort of a person who genuinely cares for you has eluded me for so long.

Right now. I am willing to do almost anything, just to make things right. Just to make things back the way they were.. I know I sound dramatic.. but what the heck.. this is me..

They say the quite once are the emotional type. I think they're right. Whoever said it.. is totally correct.

You wanna know what's even sadder than sad? It's when you don't know your status.. You have no idea where you stand..

At least for me.. I know where she stands.. and She knows where she stands.. She's the center of my universe. My day is complete just by hearing her voice or receiving a text message from here. When she's bothering me it makes me smile.. because I pretend that she misses me.. even though in truth she's just probably bored.

I love it when she tells me that I should go on a diet and that I should not eat fat foods or I should stop doing this and do that..

I love all of that. I enjoy all of that. I want to hear more of that.

But the fact of the matter is. It's all in my head. I'm the only one that thinks that way. I'm the only one that pretends that there could be more than just friendship.

I'm sorry if I was thinking that way. Forgive me for being this way.

I really don't know what else to say. I can't apologize enough to take everything back.