The truth is... I realized a lot of things since I've know you. I realized that I should stop deciding things based on emotions. I realized that I am capable of being a jealous... I realized that in the my 31 years of existence, I've loved two women whom are not part of my family and one of them is you. I realized that I can never have your heart and it hurts.. I really really really really want you to be part of my life.. The future with you in it is all I can think of. But as I've said before.. the future seems bleak.. I guess love made me greedy...
I was greedy for your affection, I was greedy for your attention.. I didn't want to share.. perhaps you will never talk to me the same way again. Perhaps you will abandon me like everyone else who left. Perhaps this is just how things should be.. Perhaps I shouldn't love another human being the same way as I'm loving you right now. There's too many questions but there's no definite answer.. I can only theorize but that's it..
I'm sitting at work right now and all I could think of is you. You're probably busy at work right now and most likely I'm not even crossing your mind and maybe thankful that I'm out of the picture..
I don't understand myself anymore.. because of love I've become someone who I really hate and it sucks. I don't want to be a jealous person.. I've never been jealous before.. not even once.. this is the only time... and what makes it even painful is I'm causing you this distress..
I'm such an idiot! If only killing was not a sin. I would fucking kill myself for being an idiot!
I hate the fact that I've become someone who I totally hate.
If only sorry could remove the idiotic things that I did.. I would gladly say it till my eyes and nose bleeds.
I did something regretful and now I'm paying the price for it.
No comments:
Post a Comment