Holidays.. R U Excited?

It's the holidays again.. Every body is trying to be jolly.. people are smiling or so we think. Are people excited about the coming holidays? Christmas and New Year.. With the economic crisis in America and Europe.. it's probably hard to say.. For me.. the best holidays was back in the 80's when I was still a kid.. Christmas and New year was the most exciting days of my life.. It was more exciting than my birthday.. I remember not sleeping at all during xmas eve... I couldn't wait to open my presents. I always loved the feeling of opening presents during.. the smell of new clothes and the sound of tearing the gifts. I miss those days.. I miss Christmas with the family.. I miss a lot of things.. but that's that. This is this.. Christmas no longer excites me. New Year is just another event. The dawn of a new year is not as inspiring anymore.. Perhaps because it's always the same very year.. nothing has changed.. for the past couple of years.. things have become a routine and it sucks, even for a guy like me.

It's going to be a lonely Christmas. It has been for years and I feel that it will be the same for years to come. I'm still thankful that I'm alive.. I may have a lonely miserable life but I'm still alive and I live in a free country. I'm sure there's someone out there who is suffering and experiencing worst things than me. Although I'm lonely.. I'm still glad that I have friends.. even if their fucking annoying and a bunch of smart asses.. I'm still thankful that their around to annoy the hell out of me. Wanna know something? I feel really really tired... It feels like my soul is about to break. Waking up in the morning is getting harder everyday. There's nothing to look forward to anymore.. I'm only alive because I can't kill myself.. But if I die today.. I wouldn't mind.. This lifetime is just filled with disappointment anyway..